01 March 2006

Who Got the Best of Jobu?

Because of my infatuation with concatenation and truncation, Jobu is perhaps my favorite nickname for myself.

And so, here is the first annual list of "The Best of Jobu":

1. No Jobu compilation would be complete without paying homage to the famed Voodoo character from the critically acclaimed, box-office smash Major League. This movie about the Tribe from Cleveland, those lovable losers who formally played in "The Mistake by the Lake," made Jobu a permanent fixture on the pop culture radar -- influencing the course of human history inalterably forever. In the words of that inimitable, aging pitcher from the aforementioned movie, Eddie Harris, "Hey Bartender, Jobu needs a refill!"

2.Jobu is the greatest southern rock act out of New Jersey that you've never heard of. Click here for more Jobu music.

3. Are you in the market for heavy-duty gimbals, super telephoto flash brackets, or double bubble levels? Are you a rugged individualists on the go, continually looking for the world's most perfect nature or sports action photograph? Well look no further than the Canadian photography engineering firm Jobu Design.

4. So I lied when I claimed to "make an excellent handbag." But I sure as hell sell an excellent handbag. At Jobu Handbags, you can not only purchase some of the world's most exclusive and elegant ladies' handbags, you can become utterly confused with foreign currency exchange rates while fighting to understand the true value of the British Pound.

5. Zum Gluck! It's Meggle Time baby! Try Meggle's new JoBu Erdbeer for a delightfully delcious, creamy strawberry trinksnack. Now only 299 Kilojoules per serving!

6. Jobu Dudley? What a n00b. Apparently if Branecki and I ever successfully mated, the product would be some sort of video game nut.

7. Try my not-so-secret anymore recipe for sausage and peppers. No, don't do that. Sausage and peppers sound gross -- no matter how kind this supposed Mr. and Mrs. Jobu sound.

8. Extra Heavy, XXX Strong Forged Shank. Deep Throat Bend. Cutting Point. Anti-corrosion Black Chrome. Titles for full-length, feature pornographic films? Nope. Owner Jobu Big Game Hooks are ideal for chunking and trolling. So target and rig that huge as fuck tuna all you want big boy.

9. Catch Your Dream. Jobu University. They'll deceptively weed your mind of roughly ill-smelling ideas -- or so Google's Beta translator claims.

10. Although our techniques are based on centuries old knowledge, it is our application of that knowledge that sets JOBU SHIN KAN Hoku apart.

That's all for this year's top ten in Jobu.

Zum Gluck! Remember the 3 R's. Reduce. Reuse. Recycle.

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