Ohio is for Lovers

1. I think I'm getting paranoid. Lately anything could happen at anytime, and I'm going to be prepared for the worst; like all good Buttons should. Perhaps turning off my inner monologue would be somewhat helpful. Actually, cross that, I'm sure this is not my inner monologue's fault as much as it is the caffeine consumption. The more wired I become, the more annoying that little voice in my head becomes; and in an asymptotic behavior to boot.

The world just needs to chill for about fifteen minutes or so.

2. One of the more disturbing trends (or not, really) is the recent rash of awfully high-scoring Major League Baseball games. Note that as of this morning, I'm currently ranked 1541 (the 98th percentile) in the ESPN Baseball Challenge Fantasy League. I've got my sights set on the first place prize (1 plasma screen TV); and if I can't count on Roy Oswalt and the Astros to keep teams like the Brewers under 12 runs or the Jake Westbrook and the Indians to keep the Orioles under 18 runs, I'm going to find it difficult to continue my gradual upward ascent up the power rankings.

Some of the more astute observers are probably thinking to themselves, "But Jonathan, aren't you supposed to be studying for Physics exams and writing up excellent solutions to Physics problem sets?"

Well, yeah, that may be the case, but as long as I'm not spending long hours pouring over the bestiary of statistical trends and weighing the outcomes of such trivial match-ups as Eric Bedard vs. Jason Michaels with the wind coming in off the right field porch at Oriole park, I think I'll be just fine.

3. Without the express written consent of Major League Baseball, that sort of egregious waste of time is as disgusting as turdukenflomein...that would be a chicken inside of a duck inside of a turkey inside of a buffalo; all covered with heaping, heaping amounts of lo mein. Served slightly chilled with a fine sugary glaze.

4. "Oh yeah, I speak perfect Korean."

I went out to lunch at Taco Bell with two of the Korean international graduate students yesterday. At one point, they started talking to each other in Korean and pointing at the plastic lid. During a lull in the conversation, I pointedly said, "You press those dots in so that you know which drink belongs to whom if you're carrying more than one."

Pleasantly surprised, the one said, "Oh, you understand Korean?"

Eh, maybe you had to be there.

5. "I want to take you down by the river,
where you can watch me undress.
I want to lay with you in the water,
we can float naked in the sunlight."

I hate it when I start considering terribly cheesy song lyrics to be provocative.

6. I *heart* topological humor.

7. "A Weakly Interacting System of Moviegoers?"

8. Getting into an Atomic and Molecular Optics research group means that I'm officially one step closer to developing the famed 'Shit Lazor'.

9. "It's not good to be naked in Cincinnati..."

-- The opening line to the Scorecard column in last week's Sports Illustrated

10. Come back next time to see where who will be naked next.