Fantastic Future Features

1. Stereoscopic 3D Post Viewer -- Words literally jump off the screen, into your eyeball, and peck incessantly until you look away or plead for mercy.

2. Specially formulated algorithms which keep inside jokes and bad puns to a very pleasurable and meaningful minimum

3. Financial News and Insurance Quotes: You gotta love that Allstate Guy.

4. Space and Time Transcendency -- Answer deep existential questions in a single sitting

5. "How We Rolled: Earth" -- Almost-real time view of Earth from above; all done in Crayola

6. Problem Set Generator -- OK, this is just a ploy to get someone else to do my homework for me

7. Koala Life Simulator -- Sleep for 20 hours, eat some leaves, and then hump something...anything.