What's in a Name?

In the town of White Settlement (an unforunately named suburb of Fort Worth), during the most recent election, a measure to have the name of the town changed to something more politically correct was struck down in a hotly contested vote by inhabitants. Proponents of the measure argued that the town of some 15,000 was being hurt economically by the less-than-appealing name. Recently, Home Depot and Wal-Mart have packed up and left (and judging by the number of these hardware and retail behemoths that are scattered about the country, I would say that this is a major warning sign concerning a town's economic health), and the local chamber of commerce has been up-in-arms over its struggles to attract new businesses.

The name "White Settlement" comes from the fact that a large contingent of white folk built a settlement amid a large number of Native American settlements in the 1840s. The town, which is 80% white as of the 2000 census, claims to have no real trace of a racist past. Thus, the so-called "heritage" that the slight majority of the townfolk have (for the time) preserved is based largely in a desire to re-affirm their ancestors' uncreative choice of a name.

I think that if these people were really serious about keeping the name, they would have at least had the decency to make some cute alterations to the name's past. For instance, a town named after a person is particularly delightful. In this case, let's call our quiant hero Ichabod White. And if they really wanted to strengthen their argument for keeping the name of "White Settlement," they would have our Ichabod, dashing hero and founder, fighting off hordes and hordes of vicious, man-eating Native American savages. Not only does this point give the name historical fullness, but it also preserves some of the original (yet hardly creative) irony that, at the time of its founding, the most distinguishing feature of this town was the fact that it was a bastion of white-ness in a heavily Native American populated region.

One of the arguments for maintaining the name "White Settlement" was the fact that the city would have to spend over $25,000 to have all official-type uniforms, signs, and letterheads changed. Without knowing the extent of the city's dire financial situation, I would have to say that this point is out-and-out stupid -- given, of course, that the major cause for the flight of big business in this simple burgh is indeed due to the politically incorrect name. I also think that changing a really unattractive name to one with a bit more pizzaz is simply a smart business decision that any sober-minded capitalist could appreciate. The monetary price to have the name changed is a small one if it can at least give the town a fighting chance in the battle to stave off its unfortunate economic doldrums.

Since the name is really the city's first line of attack when trying to sell itself to prospective businesses and residents, having an unoffensive name makes good business sense. And as such, I propose a compromise: Give the town a slogan and have that slogan added to all official documents and signs. States have slogans, and they proudly display them everywhere. Ohio is both, "The Heart of it All!" and "The Birthplace of Aviation." Illinois is the "Land of Lincoln." And Alabama, curiously, has "Stars Fell on Alabama." (Not to be out-done, Texas has a whole fucking song, but I'm not even going to get into that one right now.) Any good ad man would agree, "Slogans are slog-tastic!!"

So, the good people of White Settlement should try the following on for size:

1. White Settlement: "We may, in fact, be 80% white and our name IS White Settlement, but we seriously love you colored folk."

2. White Settlement: "We're white, and we're right. So get used to it!"

3. White Settlement: "The 'I' of Ichabod."

4. White Settlement: "Look how low our crime rate is?!"

All in all, I think a lot of people have missed the boat on this issue. The primary concern here should be, "How far should a town go to sell itself out to corporate America?" The hulaballoo that this is an example of political correctness running amok in our society is but a red herring. The fact of the matter is, this is really an example of how much sway outsiders such as Home Depot and Wal-Mart have in the day-to-day operation of small communities across the country. Rather than being accepting of the unique idiosyncracies of small towns, with their quaint toy shops and hardware stores (which are true measures of a town's heritage), these aggressors come into town and immediately stamp their way of doing things as the right way to do things (with the corporate paradigm of political correctness dragging in tow).

At any rate, White Settlement has a stupid name and a stupid story behind the name.

A news report prior to the election can be found here.

Also, the poorly thought-out opinion piece in the A&M school paper that prompted me to write this cynical diatribe can be found here.