Thus Spoke Zarathustra

My dad is oftentimes short on fatherly advice but can run long when it comes to fatherly directives and/or ordinances. But, when he isn't telling me what to do, telling me when to have it done by, calling me a putz, or telling me that I'm strange; he's been known to tell me to think before opening my mouth.

With that in my mind, I think I've come up with a dandy list of stupid things which have managed to fall out of my mouth before getting filtered back by any form of conscious thought.

1. "I think I need a little Jon time." I think this phrase was said with an extreme amount of exaggeration around, "Jon time." I don't think I know what "Jon time" really is. I don't think anyone does. Saying that you need to spend time with yourself and invoking the third person in order to do so is and has always been a capital offense.

When someone drops a statement like the above, and does so during a rather tense situation, it's very easy to lose your bearings. In fact, you may find yourself being completely taken aback and surprised. This sort of statement calls for a swift and direct slap to the face.

2. "My heart is a cold and lonely place." Well, I was a little intoxicated when I said this little gem. The thing is though, talking about your relationship while intoxicated is a generally unforgiveable offense in and of itself.

3. "There's a hole in my closet where my heart used to be." Sophomore year, I had a roommate for about 30 seconds before he moved over to Phi Delt.

4. "How many of you are there?" Mike was wearing a sweatshirt that said, "Einterz & Einterz."

5. Person on phone from Pizza Hut: "Cash or check?"
Me: "Yes"

6. Phone rings during my recitation period. I get distracted from what I'm doing. Inexplicably, I turn back around towards the board and say, "I'm sorry."

7. My math professor is going over a difficult integral with little time left in the period. He says that the only way to do this in a short amount of time is by going over it carefully. He then says it's like the saying, "A man tells his butler, 'Dress me slowly, I'm in a hurry." He says the statement doesn't make much sense. I immediately reply with the question, "Is the butler's name slowly?"

8. "It doesn't matter who I'm with, as long as I'm with someone."

The above are generally all thoughtless, but some are clearly more offensive than the others. Like most people though, when pressed to give a good, thoughtful answer, my mind generally goes blank -- perhaps that's why I genuinely like to write. In a written medium I have all day to compile a thoughtful answer and regardless of the end product, at least I'm more comfortable doing it.

Not putting thought into what you do, as it turns out, is far more offensive than not putting thought into what you say.

Walking towards quantum mechanics yesterday, I was caught in a bad rain storm. I sat through the class soaked down to the quick, feeling cold and absolutely miserable. At the end of the hour-long class period, I walked outside towards the bus stop. The rain had stopped, but the wind was putting up a good fight in the battle to break my spirits.

When the bus finally came, I was glad to get out of the wind. For some reason, I thought the bus would be a good place to do a proper examination of my conscience. I have not received the rite of reconciliation in well over a year, but I think the examination of conscience part must be engrained deep within me as a relic from my Catholic grade school and high school days. I think you can go through the actions of loving someone, saying and doing the right things, without being honest about it. I also think that it's difficult to know whether or not you're being honest about love until after making that mistake repeatedly. As it turns out, the pain sticks with you far longer than when you're little and you accidentally put your hand on a hot stove top or put your chewing gum in your brother's hair. The mistake of not being honest about love is one that I don't ever intend to make again.

I was sitting on the bus, letting a wave of sentimentality hit me, when the person sitting next to me shoves a small booklet in my hand and asks me, "Have you gotten one of these today?" The cover of the booklet says, "Are you a good person?" I tell him that I haven't seen this ever. I tell him that I am a good person. He asks me if I'm a christian, and I tell him that I'm Catholic. For whatever reason, I guess he felt that he still had to convince me to believe in God. I'm going to count this as the first of many thoughtless things he said to me. He asks me, "Have you ever lied?" And I answer that I have. He asks me, "What do you call someone who has lied?" And I tell him that you call him a liar. He asks me if I have ever stolen something. I tell him that I haven't. He then asks me if I've ever downloaded music. I then tell him that in that case, I have indeed stolen something during the course of my life. He asks, "What do you call someone who steals?" And I tell him that you call that person a thief. So far, I'm not doing horribly bad at this quiz, I suppose.

At this point though, I'm failing to see the relevance of this line of questioning. Although I may not be the best Catholic, I genuinely believe in the rites and sacraments of the Church. And so, he continues going through his pre-programmed spiel. "You cannot rely on your own goodness to be saved. You need to have Jesus in your life." I take offense to this because I suppose that he is assuming that Jesus is not present in the life of a Catholic. "If you are guilty of murder, a justice will not let you off from serving your time if you present a case of good works that you have done. Justice must be served, and God is just." At this point, I realize that he must not really care what I have to say. So I tune out. If I had more time, maybe I would have tried telling him that the severity of the sin is judged not by the deed alone, but by thought also. A father understands that his eldest son may not realize how difficult it will be to get that gum out of the youngest's hair. No matter how much we grow up, we'll still be little kids.

At any rate, although I would never buy what that guy was selling me, I may go receive the rite of reconciliation. I guess sometimes God can speak to you through someone who isn't even thinking about what he's saying.