Hungry, Hungry Hippos

For the past two some odd weeks I've been fasting everyday from sunrise to sunset in celebration of Ramadan. Now I'm roughly halfway through it.

The hardest days have been Saturdays when there is a home football game during the day. On Saturday mornings we go play soccer against the Chinese or Nigerians, so I'm already feeling drained before we even leave to go watch the game. Then at the football game, there is a lot of standing and yelling going on out in what normally feels like 100 degree weather. The end result is an extremely taxing, but strangely gratifying, day.

The best days are when I can find the time to take long naps during the day. In a lot of ways I'm becoming increasingly nocturnal, but there is a period of time in the afternoon where I can be extremely productive. At any rate, my muslim friend Jonathan was right in making the observation that we spend a lot of time everyday in procuring, eating, or digesting food (or in the very least, food product).

During the day, my range of emotions extends from glum and sullen to confused and easily distracted. I have a very difficult time staying awake during lectures because of my erratic sleeping and inability to consume caffeine during the day. On the other hand, I generally feel less anxious during the day.

Once the night rolls around and I get some food into my nutrition starved body, I feel like there is no limit to what I can do physically. During the summer I started working out regularly with Jonathan, and so I originally wanted to fast during Ramadan out of deference to him. With the start of Ramadan, we decided to change our workout schedule such that we would be lifting in the evenings, so that we would have a chance to consume some protein before going to lift. We wait to eat dinner until after working out. The remarkable thing is that in the past two weeks I've been getting stronger in the gym. The gains almost seem radical. In the traditional benchmarks for strength, the bench press and the squat, I've blown by my previous bests.

For all the impressive strength gains though, I've never felt weaker when doing cardio exercises. When I bike to school or run or play soccer, I feel like I lack explosiveness and energy. It's most frustrating when playing soccer because I don't feel competitive in the least.

I hoped that fasting would help me regain some feeling of focus. To some extent that has happened, but I'm not completely certain. Feeling fatigued and slightly sick is quite a distraction after all. In general though, I feel different from the person I was. I have no sense of whether or not it is for the better. I'm more aware of my physical abilities and limitations, and everyday is a constant reminder.

The most subtle observation of myself that I've made during this time is in seeing more fully how my lack of a strong spiritual life is affecting me. I think that is the one aspect of my life that I've been in denial over for the longest time. I feel like I've been making strong claims without conviction to my own faith. It's seriously disturbing, but when I look around at my friends, in a superficial sense, there seems to be no sense of urgency or moral dilemna in regards to making a spiritual life for oneself. I didn't think it was necessarily a problem, because I felt so strongly that it was a private matter. That sentiment could not be further from the truth. I feel like I have to bring myself out of a deep and long abiding coma.

That subtle desire must be the true reason why I ended up fasting with two good friends. Doing this for any other reason would be disastrous.

What I look forward to most during Ramadan is yet to come. One of the nights during the last ten days is called the "Night of Power." Staying awake for the whole night in prayer on this night is akin to receiving three-thousand times the blessings. We're not going to necessarily spend the whole night in prayer, but we'll watch movies and have good conversation.